Tuesday 1 July 2014

How many children is enough?

Well hey there sexy readers! Unlike the title of this post suggests, no I haven't disappeared off the planet lately because I've popped out triplets and adopted two more babies from Africa to add to the pack - there's just been a few too many balls in the air than usual, so I'm afraid the circus had to shut the curtains for a while. Did you miss me?

I already know the answer (of course you did), but the question on my mind at the moment is a bit more of a challenge: how do you really know when to stop expanding your family?

This is a pretty hot topic right now amongst my group of friends and other mums I know who all have at least one child. And if it isn't already a daily thought swirling around in most of our heads, we're certainly reminded of it at least weekly at a BBQ, playdate or even the supermarket, when someone looks at your offspring and asks "Do you think you'll have any more?"

For some this can be quite a distressing question, especially those already struggling to conceive again, but I don't mind being asked. However what is quite amusing (annoying actually), is the amount of people (including complete strangers like taxi drivers and door salesmen), who assume I will definitely be going for a third because having two boys means I MUST be in need of a girl. I guess it's kind of like how parents with a boy and a girl, or a 'pigeon pair' as they call it (is that not the most ridiculous and annoying expression ever heard?); are always expected to shut up shop, cast off the ark, and stop procreating because Adam and Eve are in the house.

To anyone who knows me though, it's no secret that I really want a third (but I don't care what the sex is). I am one of three myself, love the family dynamic it brings, and have always wanted three children - despite my surprise at finding parenthood to be an insane rollercoaster ride. I realise having three loco amigos would mean my husband and I are outnumbered (a somewhat scary thought); but for me, adding one more cherub to the party would really complete our family.

Before you break out the Bonjela though, unfortunately for me the hubby isn't so keen. In fact, he's so unkeen that he's dying for the green light to go and get the snip. Hence the big question mark. Do I throw away all the baby stuff I've saved in case he changes his mind? Or should I accept that this is all of our family and start planning for future 'family of four' style package vacations? Whilst I am longing for another child (I think of names constantly and tear up at the thought of not being pregnant ever again), I have to also respect his thoughts on the matter, because we both have to be on board for such a big life decision.

Someone I know was in a similar situation recently but managed to completely change her husband's mind, and I also know several others where interestingly it's the father who wants more but the mum doesn't (who can blame any woman really when you think about the birth? Ahhh!). And then there are the friends who were convinced they were stopping at two and threw all the baby paraphernalia out, but now their youngest is getting older and their babymaking window is getting smaller, the question has arisen. And it does need to be answered because you can only put it off for a short time.

Most people are all for other couples having more children (in fact a little too keen sometimes, perhaps they want more families to be in the same boat as them?), but there are a few who blatently tell me not to do it (even though they don't have more than two themselves). I also sometimes think I'm being greedy for wanting a third child - I have two beautiful boys and love my family, so isn't that enough when there are people out there who can't even have one? And of course financially three will add extra bills to the table, not to mention the world is busting at the seams from over population.

It doesn't make the longing go away though. And it also doesn't help when two friends have both had a third recently, which begs another question, is how many children you have influenced by what everyone else is doing? I'd say in most cases yes, I mean no one wants to be the only octomum on the block, but for me I've always wanted three and envisaged this in my future.

And so another day passes pondering the question, is this it? Is this our family now?

Only time will tell if I will get my three musketeers (or Doc Brown after a quick trip in the Delorean). All I know is that I love rollercoasters, the wilder the better, so if the universe wants to up the anti, then I say bring it.

Is your family complete? Or are you still pondering the patter of more feet?

Photo credit: pnchydroponics.com

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