Thursday 19 December 2013

My children are food snobs

What the F is this?!

Move over Matt Preston - the next Masterchef judges and food critics are my 3 and 1 year-old sons. Here are just a few samples of their mealtime snobbery: 

The judging process starts with sight and smell
When lunch or dinner is produced their sceptical eyes scan warily over the dish and have a good sniff. Have I passed the test? Have I? Sadly often I do not. It is then extremely hard to convince the judges to even try my meal. Sigh. 

They're experts on food temperatures
I didn't realise that food served warm was displeasing and dangerous to the general public. Next time I will be more careful to ensure it is stone cold first as to not scald anyone with lukewarmness. 

They love a good pressure test
Nothing like two children screaming they're hungry and clutching your legs as you're trying to prepare dinner to put the pressure on. Didn't they have pre-dinner snacks only half an hour ago? Chances are they're not even going to eat it when it goes on the table. The only conclusion I can make is they just like to see me sweat. 

They like their food deconstructed
I've spoken about my hate of deconstructed food before, but my children obviously didn't get the memo because they're all over that sh#t. Homemade fried rice? Forget it, not a chance in hell they'll eat it. But if I pop three piles of peas, plain rice and bacon on a plate instead they'll go for it like a lion on a zebra. And if the food they're served isn't deconstructed (e.g. a Vegemite and cheese sandwich), they'll instantly pull it apart and deconstruct it themselves. Cos' that's how they roll. 

They like food displayed in other unique formats
Food served on a plate on the table is not nearly as interesting as food tipped on the floor, covered in cat hair and half trod on. Brings out the flavour and makes things more exciting I guess. 

They're not afraid to let the cook have it
Meals are regularly sent back and "Yuck" or "That's disgusting" are also common phrases bandied around the dinner table these days. Why don't they tell me how they really feel? Perhaps I should smear it on the floor and see if it tastes better then...

What antics do your tiny food critics get up to?

Photo credit: Sproot

1 comment:

  1. And then they will happily chew on possum poo - what gives?


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